Good Old Bill....

I'm sitting here at my old fashioned-style desk in a back street in the old town centre of Tonbridge, listening to Paul Weller's new album (22 Dreams is excellent by the way) having just stopped Victoria Derbyshire from rattling on on Radio 5 Live at the click of a mouse; I've logged onto the admin site for Tonbridge blog and I'm just about to check on a book website whether or not I've got any sales coming in today which could turn around an otherwise slow day in my bookshop, once I've posted this blog that is. I've checked my emails three or four times this morning, I've read bits of the Guardian online and dipped into the Telegraph's electronic version. No interesting Tonbridge books on ebay today or any new listings for the first edition booker prize winners which I'm collecting. What's all this got to do with anything? you may well be thinking. Well even ten years ago I wouldn't have dreamt that any of this would be possible. Ten years ago I think I'd just discovered this new thing called the internet, which everyone was starting to rave about. In the office where I worked at the time otherwise sane people were behaving like boys with new toys, pinging emails around to each other with all kinds of unsavoury video clips attached. It really is incredible how far we've all come in such a short space of time (ok not all for the better.) All of this has been made possible and accessable by one man; or at the very least he paved the way for this brave new world, Bill Gates, who retires from active service for Microsoft today. This is a company he set up, I believe in his garage, after dropping out of college. His is an amazing story and I well remember that most people thought he was some kind of geeky crank when he announced to the world that his intention was to see a PC in every home, and that it was realistic and achieveable in out lifetimes. What a lunatic! I don't know about you but we have a PC, two lap tops, a palm top, to i-pod Touches, Sony Playstation, three Nintendo DS's and they are just the ones I can think of. We must have exceeded even Bill Gates' wildest expectations. Good on yer Bill (I think) and I hope you do manage to put all of those $billions to good use in your new philanthropic projects; and if there is a scheme to help out the ailing book world to bring people back to the printed word then so much the better, you probably owe us mate!...

Grumpy old T blog....

Tonbridge blog has been a little caustic this week I have to admit. Upsetting the Traffic Wardens, sorry: Civil Enforcement Officers, and before that the Police. I'd just like to point out at this point that this was never meant to be a "Grumpy Old Man" site as one person has recenty insinuated, but equally it isn't meant to be a smaltzy site either. If you want that sort of thing go and log on to Three Beautiful Things, another local blog. There's a link on the right hand column. It's just that if you only mention the nice things, and I do quite a lot actually, most people don't see the point of it and start turning off. Why do you think newspapers are full of bad news! If I've caused anyone offence, then if you didn't deserve it then I humbly apologise, and if you did (and you know who you are!) then tough....

Civil Enforcement Officers 1: Tourists none....

Oh isn't it nice to see a lively Tonbridge High Street. Maybe it's a tourist just arrived into our lovely town; just gone to check in at the Rose and Crown and ask where the car park is before going in for a nice refreshing cold drink and maybe a shower before having a look around the Castle and wandering along the river on a lovely June day. What a lovely sight. But, but what's that? Look a little closer. Oh no, bad luck tourist you've just been done by one of Tonbridge council's welcome staff, otherwise know as a Civil Enforcement Officer (That's the new word for Parking Attendant, which was the new word for Traffic Warden.) Still, she's only doing her job. Her job of driving away all the trade from an already ailing town centre....

Olympic Games 2016?...

I had the pleasure of watching the Tonbridge primary schools district athletics championships yesterday evening. It really was uplifting and wonderful to see so many children shouting and encouraging their team to to do well. What ever the so-called Nanny State does to stiffle the competitive instinct in our school children, these sort of events just show that they just can't. It's in-built and part of life, children will learn about success and failure early in life. Yes the few girls who fell over, will probably have cried for half an hour afterwards because they felt like they'd let their school's team down, but you know what they'll get over it and learn from it. Anyway surely it's better to try and fail than not to try at all. Even better to win though! There were almost certainly one or two boys and girls with real prospects, you can just sense the ones who are the true naturals. Maybe one of them will end up competing in the Olympic Games in 2016, wherever that will be held. Let's hope so. Now did I ever mention my having ran in the 110m hurdles at the English Schools Championships in 1979? No? That's probably cos I don't lke to brag about it!...

Tonbridge Police Station "Opening Hours" 8am to 8pm....

The last posting on "wheel spinning oiks..." has provoked a few interesting comments including one which raises the question of Police Station opening hours once again. To reitterate: how is it that gangs of teenagers can gather, make a nusiance of themselves, create unsightly litter every day, intimidate passers by, and indulge in illegal underaged drinking? and all this right under the noses of Tonbridge Old Bill, lireally in the shadow of a large regional centre Police Station? I'll tell you how, and the answer is very simple: Tonbridge nick closes at 8pm; they proudly display Their "Opening Hours" as 8am to 8pm on their web site. Now those hours might be impressive if they were a retailer on the High Street, that said I reckon Monsoon could be open longer than them and Sainsbury's definitely are. Ok, I'm not suggesting that the Tonbridge Boys in Blue stop working and are home for the six o'clock news although most of them probably are but surely, if they are serious about increasing their perceived public profile, they should bring back the desk Sergeant and have an open door throughout the night so that crimes can easily be reported. If someone has to wait until office hours to report something, or hand in a wallet or jewellery they've found in the street then they'll probably just not bother and keep it instead. It's not long since a major robbery was committed in Tonbridge within a few hundred yards of the Cop Shop. Would the Securitas robbery have happened if there had been a greater Police presence in the town? We'll probably never know the answer to that one. But please Rozzers don't let kids take the piss out of you night in and night out....

Wheel spinning Oiks in Tonbridge....

In the morning Tonbridge blog occasionally listens to that great local radio station for all my fave pop tunes(that's said with a sort of Smashy and Nicey tone). What am I talking about? Well KMFM of course! Apart from being woken up to the sounds of 80s favourites Shalamar's Baby I Can Make You Feel Good, Neil (Poptastic) Faraday caught my attention by complaining about "those oiks" (his words not mine) who go up and down Tonbridge High Street at 2 in the morning, doing wheel spins and the like. He said that that was one good thing about the high price of fuel at the moment, that the oiks wouldn't be able to afford it. Well I'm not sure I agree with you there mate (stop that Smashy stuff!) but I take the point. I've heard about this latest nuisance joy riding in Tonbridge, but didn't know where or when it went on. What can be done about it? oh I don't know, maybe have a decent police presence on the streets and keep the cop shop open after 8 at night; or haven't the Old Bill yet worked out that that's when all the drinking starts and all the trouble makers come alive....

Strawberries and cream anyone?...

Where can you still pick your own around Tonbridge? I remember when I moved here nearly twenty years ago that Mabledon Farm was a lovely place to stroll along to on a summers day to fill up a few punnets and stock up on strawberries for the seemingly brief time they were in season. More often than not, if I'm honest, I have to admit that I would not only fill up the punnet, but also fill up my gob as I merrily picked away, deluding myself that I was some kind of hunter gatherer! Thinking about it that's probably half the reason you don't see so many PYO signs any more. The sight of me with my punnet half filled and pink stain around my mouth at the check out must have been anoying at best. Sorry about that farms, but I'm sure that it wasn't all my fault. I did laugh out loud today though when a news item brought up the demise of the PYO farm, citing one example of a farmer who even spotted pickers carrying pots of cream to dip their strawberries into while out in the fields! I wish I'd thought of that!!..

Cycle carriers, Swastikas and Aryans....

Don't worry Tonbridge blog isn't a closet Nazi who has suddenly 'outed' himself by displaying an uncontrollable urge to display a swastika on the site. No this piece of information that I bet you didn't know is that the swastika is an ancient symbol, perhaps even Neolithic in origin and certainly dating back to the Indus civilization of at least 2,500 BC. The Aryans, who were of Nordic origin, migrated South, West and East (we don't know why) around that time and invaded the area we now know as northern India. There they adopted some of the cultures and practices of the more ancient civilisations which they had overthrown, including the swastika. To this day the symbol is a good luck charm in many, especially Hindu and Buddist, cultures, with no association with Nazism, which has, perhaps forever tainted it with ideas of master race, racism and rapid ruthless conquest in The West. If you look at the date over the one above, which is the emblem of the Thule Society of Germany, you'll see that it is not 1939 but 1919. Now the Thule society, who were essentially an intellectual study group, did have Nazi links in that they believed in the legend that Thule was a Nordic island and the origin of the ancient Aryan people, who had almost super heroe like strength and magical powers. Thule, it seems, is a sort of Nordic equivalent of the mythical city of Atlantis. And all this because I bought a cycle carrier from Halfords in Tonbridge and wondered about the Swedish brand name Thule. I really must get out more!...

Simply Poetic Pride....

Gerry Stubbs served in World War II, he boasts about meeting big band leader, Glenn Miller, while serving with the Royal Signals Corps in 1944. And why shouldn't he? He remembers landing on the beaches of Normandy over sixty years ago, he remembers some of his mates who were shot to pieces in the landings. He's an old man with a young heart. Unbelieveably he's 88 years old, he still does all his own shopping, cooking and cleaning, he walks everywhere and could easily pass for a sprightly 70 year old. What's his secret? Well, as mentioned here already, he's young at heart; he attends the poetry night at the Ivy House on most occasions, so I've come to know Gerry quite well, and now he has a new poetry anthology just published called Simply Poetic Pride. Come along and listen to this proud man perform his own poetry at the Ivy on Thursday July 3rd and better still buy a copy of his book. It took him great sacrifices and a long lifetime of experience to be inspired to write them, all you have to do is fork out seven quid to see if you like his poems. We could all learn from Gerry; I hope that I have the same youthful spirit if I live anything like that long....

Outdoor Lounges....

Not that I go out that much, but the smoking ban seems to have started an interesting trend: the rise of the outdoor lounge. The old smokers' corner became a couple of picnic tables, then a patio heater appeared here and a gazebo there. Now, less than a year on after the ban there are virtually rooms outside springing up absolutely everywhere as pubs and restaurants compete for the smoker's pound. I notice at the oldest drinking hole in Tonbridge (or at least I think it is) the Rose and Crown they have a black board advertising a smoking and drinking area in the courtyard. I went in to investigate and found not just a couple of tables and patio heaters, but a whole outdoor covered lounge complete with large plasma screen TV. At the Somerhill on Pembury Road they have a similar area with an added extra, a full size pool table in a covered outdoor area. It's amazing how innovative landlords can be when they have to be. At this time of year the inside of pubs are virtually empty and the outside is positively bustling. Maybe I'll close the bookshop down and buy a marquee to plonk on the park or by the river; I'll open a pub in it, where people would presumeably be allowed to puff away to their heart's content, I'd sell cigarettes, cigars, even sheesha pipes it would become the Mecca for smokers all over Kent. Any suggestions for a name? How about Mr. Fags!...

The Hildenborough Farmers Market (Sponsored by Dame Kelly Holmes)

Tonbridge blog hears that our very own Dame Kelly Holmes was in Hildenborough on Tuesday to open the first weekly farmers market at the Church Hall. Let's hope that she eats lots of Kent apples and strawberries or that the 200 or so people who turned up to see her will bother to visit the market every week. So that's one in Shipbourne and now one in Hildenborough; when oh when oh when will Tonbridge and Malling council or someone else see the light and decide that Tonbridge could have a weekly farmers market in and around the Castle grounds, the focal point of the town, instead of that apology of a one down River Walk which happens just once in a while and nobody goes to it because they have no idea when it's on. We are supposed to be a market town after all, aren't we? I for one would pick up my bread, cakes, cheese and fresh local fruit and veg from it every week without fail. It would save me money, save my health and save me the stress of going to Sainsbury's. We could get that local Bafta winning fellow to open it if Kelly's not free. Maybe in the meantime I'll have to drive over to Hildenborough every Tuesday until they sort their act out....

Tonbridge Twirlerval....

I missed the Tonbridge Carnival at the weekend due to a trip Up North to a family Christening; I'm pretty sure that it will have been much the same as in previous years give or take a Kelly Holmes here or a Twirler there. Anyway, if you missed it yourselves and so that you don't feel cheated heres a picture from last years event. Does anyone have anything to interesting or unusual to report?

The Death of Tonbridge?....

Rumours of the death of Tonbridge have been grossly exagerated. I've just been Up North, which I still call "home" even though I've lived Down South for as long. I went for a very lovely family Christening at my sisters house in an idylic little Lincolnshire village near the coast. I only spent two days there and came back late last night feeling tired but mentally refreshed. When I came off the M25 and onto the home straight (the A21) as I appproached Tonbridge I noticed a twinkling of lights in the distance. Yes sure enough Tonbridge was in fact still there, pretty much as I left it. There may be a few shops closing, but other retailers will soon enough be along with bright ideas, and unique selling propostions, and, full of hope, many will make a go of it. So let's all keep this credit crunch nonsense under control, stop worrying about whether or not Marks and Spencer have made 2% less profit this year and get back to using our own common sense. Let the City Boys make (or probably lose) their fast buck but's let's rise above all of that; we can because we're made or better stuff. We're alive and well, we are Tonbridgeians! (OK let's not get carried away....)

Is Tonbridge Closing Down?....

There are a worrying number of shops with "CLOSING DOWN SALE" signs in the window or Estate Agent's "SHOP TO LET" boards fixed to the wall, along Tonbridge High Street. Klan, Tonbridge's only designer label fashion outlet , have deceided to call it a day after sales, name changes, relaunches and all manner of retail tricks to keep up the interest levels. I now see that Cross's the well established art equipment shop are also closing their doors with 25% off this and massive reductions off that. Impact Coffee shop closed recently, Baldocks which became Twinkle Toes for a year or so lays vacant still, Alpha Baby didn't last long in the arcade, Thomson's Holidays have deserted the town. There are many more and I now hear that John Adams bookshop is to close after its lease runs out next year, they have been in business, albeit under different ownership for over thirty years. Is it a sign of the times or is Tonbridge just falling behind it's neighbours? Is it the credit crunch or is Tonbridge just crap at keeping its retailers? Believe you me I know how they feel, because some weeks in the retail trade at the moment you just wonder why you bothered opening up. I've only been in the business about 3 and a half years and others with greater experience tell me it has never been worse (in the book trade that is.) If that is the case then, being optimistic, it can only get better. If we are about to enter a full blown recession and this is just the start of the bad times then God help me and God help the rest of Tonbridge High Street. I must say that on a recent visit to Bluewater shopping centre I didn't notice much evidence of a slump there, but maybe it is just all relative. On the other hand maybe we will always be a town struggling to keep up with more progressive neighbours. Somebody better work out a stategy to overcome this and sharpish....

Credit Crunch

Credit Crunch
(Don’t you feel so sorry for those City Boys?)

Those City Boys
Love their little toys
They love their cars
With Sat Nav n’ anti-speed check radars.
They’re the boys with loadsamoney
So I ‘ave to say it’s not very funny
That now we suffer from the “credit crunch”
Those City Boys are out to lunch!

No not with champagne and caviar
(Like normal)
But, with the rest of us,
Queuing up at the sandwich bar!

Guess what? It's poetry at the Ivy House again tonight. Open mic so come along and listen or better still bring some poems to read out and some money to buy me a drink or two....

A memory of Gazza....

Most people will remember him for crying as England were beaten in the semi-final of the 1990 World Cup but I'll always remember seeing Paul Gascoigne scoring that goal against Scotland in Euro 96; I was actually sitting at that end of the old Wembley Stadium as he took the ball with outstretched leg. He had one man to beat and I think it was Hendry the big Scottish defender with the flowing blond hair. He didn't just beat him, he completely out foxed him by delicately chipping the ball over his head in one move, completely wrong footing the experienced back in the process and then on the volley with the other foot scoring in the right bottom corner across the face of the goal keeper. With the ball the man was a genius. I don't go to many football matches and will never forget that goal and the euphoria it created as Gazza celebrated his goal by immitatating the "dentist's chair" as his fellow players squirted water from a plastic bottle into his wide open mouth as he lay down on the pitch. (A reference to the wild, letting-off-steam preparations for the tournament (well it was the Venables days and the end of a different age in football) The celebration showed us all a glimpse of Gazza's character off the pitch, the character which the press have made us all too familiar with. I think it was Bobby Robson who inadvertently summed up Gazza in the early 1990s when he described him "as daft as a brush!" As it turned out he was probably spot on; although at the time it made him appealing in a rather childish, laddish way. He was a football genious, but also a football fans, one of the lads. It a great shame to hear about him in his current predicament, I'm not quite sure what "being sectioned" actually means but I'm sure it's quite a big step away from being in some detox "rehab" expensive hotel, which seems to have become trendy these days. I'm sure everyone wants to see him make a full recovery so that he can relive some of his best moments in later life with a clear head. I was never very good at the beautiful game but in a quiet moment I'll always be able to lay back, close my eyes and remember that early summer day back in 1996 and picture that awesome skill once more. Gazza gave me that memory....

Bird's eye view....

Now this may sound a little like Tonbridge blog has turned into a great big softie but I was a little sad this morning as it appears that I may have scared a mother bird away from it's nest. Over the weekend I had noticed a black bird (I'm no ornithologist but I think it was) flying in and out of the bush between our conservatory and next door's fence. On closer inspection I saw something I've never seen before: a nest with mother bird sitting on its eggs right there through the window next to us. Yes I know you see it all the time on programmes like Bill Oddie's Springwatch but this was live right there in front of me! A mother bird protecting its eggs, with its beak sticking over the top of the nest. It looked frightened, its left eye keeping a good watch on its new found giant neighbours, perhaps that's what they always look like all the time close up, but I would say it was scared. Of course I couldn't resist taking a few close up photos, although the nest was well camalflaged so it's actually quite hard to spot the bird on the snap, even close up, mainly due to the reflections in the glass. All of this understandable attention to our feathered friend though has, and this is the sad bit, resulted in the bird flying the nest leaving four beautifully colourful eggs in the bottom of the nest. At least it wasn't there yesterday at night fall, nor was it there at around 8am this morning. I hope I'm wrong but it does look like the eggs will not hatch. So no chicks being born, no chicks being fed to show my kids and no more priceless photos. I tried not to interfere, but us humans just can't stop ourselves can we....